1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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