I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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