Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I need to sanitize my soul.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize