6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
50% drunk capacity currently
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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