Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
