So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
