hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
