You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
