Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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