Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
