a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
