____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
