last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
