Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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