i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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