no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
