you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Those nachos came to me in a dream
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
