Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
