remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
