I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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