I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
