I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
