Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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