I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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