you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize