I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
