I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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