whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
