You smell like stripper and shame
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
