you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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