I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
