we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
