Who did Billy Mays play for?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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