Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
