It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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