I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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