I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
