I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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