Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
