Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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