I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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