i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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