I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
thus making me awesome and them whores
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
