i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Are my feet made of real feet?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
