i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
