yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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