i just had sex bonerless
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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