You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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