just come out here and I will go home with you...
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
