Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
All the doctor said was why
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
