I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
