thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
