i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
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