I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
