Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize