Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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