I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
