uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
