I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
