i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
