bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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