my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
