I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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