Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
