I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
