Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
